I Kept Waiting to Want It Again.
I remember sitting through my year-end review during the first year of the pandemic.
I’d been working from home for about nine months, and the conversation turned to what might be next for me.
Management. Leadership. More responsibility.
Ten years earlier, I would’ve been all over it. This was the kind of opportunity I’d spent much of my career working toward.
So after the call, I sat there waiting for the familiar feeling.
The little charge of ambition. “This could be your next step.” Nothing. Instead, I remember thinking: “I really don’t want that.”
A few days later, I thought about it again.
Same answer. That’s when I came up with an explanation that made sense. “You’re burned out.” It was 2020. I’d been working hard. The world was upside down.
Of course I was tired. So I waited.
I figured the old excitement would come back once I had some room. Except it didn’t. Not after a few days. Not after a few weeks.
And eventually something about that started bothering me.
If I was burned out, shouldn’t some part of me still want the opportunity? Shouldn’t I be thinking, “I want that. I just don’t have it in me right now?”
But that wasn’t what I felt. I felt relieved. That’s when a different question showed up.
Maybe my motivation wasn’t missing. Maybe it had simply moved on.
Maybe Tired Isn’t the Right Word.
Burnout and outgrowing something can look oddly similar.
Both can leave you tired.
Both can drain your interest in things you used to care about.
Both can make you pull away from work, plans, and goals that once had some electricity in them.
But I’ve started noticing one difference.
Burnout says:
I still want it. I just don’t have the energy for it right now.
Outgrowing something says:
Even if I had the energy, I’m not sure I’d choose it.
That distinction changed things for me. I started imagining myself fully rested. A vacation. A few easy weeks. A morning when I woke up feeling better than I had in years.
Then I put the same leadership opportunity in front of that version of me.
Still no.
And once I noticed that, I started seeing the same pattern elsewhere. Plans I secretly hoped would get canceled. Goals I kept postponing.
Things I was trying awfully hard to get excited about again.
I thought I needed recovery. Some of the time, I probably did. But there were other things I simply didn’t miss when I stepped away from them.
That felt different. Burnout made me want enough energy to return.
Distance from some things made me wonder why I was returning at all.
Maybe Losing the Drive Is Telling You Something.
I think this gets especially confusing after 50.
By then, many of us have spent decades becoming a certain kind of person.
Dependable.
Productive.
Ambitious.
Someone who keeps moving toward the next thing. The next promotion. The next milestone. The next version of ourselves.
Then one day, something that used to pull you forward doesn’t.
And the first instinct can be to fix yourself. Get some rest. Find your motivation. Get back on track. Maybe. Sometimes that’s exactly what you need.
But I think there’s another question worth asking:
“If I woke up tomorrow completely rested, would I still want this?”
Not “Could I do it?” Not “Should I want it?” “Would I choose it?”
That question doesn’t require you to quit your job or rearrange your life by Friday. It just asks you to notice the answer.
Because there’s a difference between being too tired to keep chasing something...and realizing you don’t particularly want to catch it anymore.
For years, I thought losing motivation meant I needed to find my way back to the person I’d been.
Now I’m not so sure. Sometimes rest brings the old feeling back. And sometimes rest makes it easier to hear what was already there. “I think I’m done with that.”
Maybe that’s not burnout. Maybe nothing needs fixing.
Maybe it’s just the person you’ve been trying so hard to get back to...isn’t where you’re headed anymore.